PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
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Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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