I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
