i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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