Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Boobs are out for the taking
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize