JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
