i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
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I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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