I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
