plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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