your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
