Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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