I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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