Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
