Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
