I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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