A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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