I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
