After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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