just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There's always time for handjobs
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
