I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
