ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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