You work out of a Hotel?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
