dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
