update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
