I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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