Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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