Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
