JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
