sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
