My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
