i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
