Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
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It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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