some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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