um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
