You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
