My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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