when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
