I didn't shave. On purpose
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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