her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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