if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Pants are for mortals
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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