apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
