we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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