You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just blew my weed a kiss
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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