Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
