I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I need to sanitize my soul.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
