Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
