everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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