I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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