I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's shark week go big or go home
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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