I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
