i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
