worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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