So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
