Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
