the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
