FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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