so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's never too late to be topless.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
