My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
