the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
