id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
