My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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