Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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