Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
