I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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