Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
someone threw a dead crab at me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
