You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
