I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
home. puking in laundry basket.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize