It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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