Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
