please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
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