I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
