he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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