He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
