everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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