Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
