so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
