He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
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I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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