Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
