My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
