Duck Duck Cougar?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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