just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
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It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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